i bruise easily

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I've found your finger prints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you

So be gentle
So be gentle
So be gentle
So be gentle

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily,

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

what am i to you

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you

Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

i stumbled on this blog yesterday in one of my aimless wanders about the internet. i can't tell whether i admire her courageous quirkiness or the inner asian in me is shocked by the absolute openness of it all, her embarking on a project to kiss one hundred different men in paris, in different settings, and with a description each time.

but then i realize that this is the type of mixed reaction that i get, about every thing. is it okay to dislike someone for no reason and make it obvious to them. why not wear leather jackets and red nails. is it wrong to go out and dance in short skirts.

i have been taught, to think for myself by isolating my own opinion. i am constantly questioning the basis of formed conventions and values. maybe it would be different if she were not chinese. i try to form my own moral code in life by taking apart the existing one that i have observed and been taught. maybe it is a valuable study of human emotion. and so i am never negating radical ideas or opinions.

or maybe, that's my problem, that i take apart things too easily and forget to put them back together. i confuse myself by the questions i ask and the jigsaw pieces i now have and i try to mentally piece together, attempting by myself what should really be done by a team of philosophers. i have this perverse desire to not just live, but to overanalyse everything which never points to a clear solution any way.

and so, i antagonize by my non-negation, people that don't understand that it is really confusion and not rebelliousness that leads me to never say completely no. because what is it that makes me say yes or no, that's me and nobody else, and that's hard to decide, which makes the constant decision to still wear leather jackets and yet show up for every single lecture, practical, tutorial since the start of this year more valuable than anything, that these narrow-minded people will ever understand.

they say you can tell the most about someone by what they fear the most.

my greatest fear is mediocrity, that i'll wake up one day being 50 and having accomplished nothing.

stand by me

Made a meal and threw it up on sunday,
I’ve, got a lot of things to learn,
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn.

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go, away.

Times are hard when things have got no meaning,
I’ve found a key upon the floor,
Maybe you and I will not believe in,
The things we find behind the door.

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows,
Yeah nobody knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

If your leaving will you take me with you,
I’m tired of talking on my phone,
There is one thing I can never give you,
My heart will never be your home,

So what’s the matter with you,
Sing me something new,
Don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know,
They only seem to come and go, away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows, yeah nobody knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

The way it’s gonna be, yeah.
Maybe I can see, yeah,
But don’t you know the cold and wind and rain don’t know
They only seem to come and go, away.

Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows the way it’s gonna be,
Stand by me,
Nobody knows,
Yeah God only knows,
The way it’s gonna be.

would you follow what's right or your heart?

Is it weird that I can't sleep and hence it is now 2 am and I'm still studying osteoarthritis?

yes i think that it is.